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2/15/2006

Wherein The Question of "Who Let The Dogs Out?" is Once Again Tastelessly Referenced but Not Answered


44 TERRIERS AND I'M STARTING TO THINK SOMEONE GOT ROBBED


I don't celebrate Valentine's Day for about a hundred obvious, boring anticapitalist complaints about the commodification of love and so forth, but this year, it went thoroughly and especially ingored because it was Day 2 of the 130th Annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Fellas (and ladies), you need a lady or maybe a fella that understands you, and my beloved knows that if there's one thing I like more than coffee or saunas (or her), it's looking at dogs. They're just better than people. Because we've bred them that way.

Anyhow, I thought that in the spirit of Dog Awesomery, obvious, etc (be a good sport and look at the pictures to get in the mood):

U2, How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb :: Golden Retriever

Last night I was actually at the dog show, and you have no idea how much idiot noise was made for this pup. Lowest common denominator. People in the stands who are obviously as blindly emotional and uncritical of dogs as I am blurting Oh yeah the golden, that's a great dog, wow. Just think of this exchange:

Oh what kind of music do you listen to
Oh I dunno like rock music
Oh like what
I dunno, that new U2 is great

and sub out "music do you listen to" for "animals that you like" and "rock music" for "dogs" and "U2" for "golden retriever" and you know what I'm getting at. Like U2, Golden Retrievers are just pretty good, and so omnipresent that you often forget that they exist.

Girls Aloud, Chemistry :: Pekingese

When you first look at it you think "oh well sure, it's no wonder young girls love this," but then you keep looking at it and you start thinking this dog is fucking insane looking how does it fit together? After that, you maintain a queasy, self-conscious love for it, but one ultimately governed by a hybrid of awe and repulsion.

Ariel Pink :: Dandie Dinmont Terrier

It looks and moves as if it were enveloped by stale air or has some rare pulmonary disease. My first thought was that it was actually a Trojan Horse for alien life forms; a dog that someone would make if it were trying to somehow infiltrate and destroy the whole idea of Dogs, period. It creeped the hell out of me and I couldn't take my eyes off it.

The Arctic Monkeys, Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not :: Old English Sheepdog

There's definitely something good here, but it's hard to really figure out what it is because you're a little distracted by all the fluff surrounding it, aren't you.

Cat Power, The Greatest :: French Bulldog

Great quasi-hip MOR stuff for people who are afraid to admit how stinkingly MOR they are. Also, you can't walk six blocks in North Brooklyn or Lower Manhattan without seeing it.

The Go! Team, Thunder, Lightning, Strike :: Welsh Corgi

Announcers on dog shows often say things like What personality! BOY, now that's a big dog in a little package! Well, yeah. Also, Corgis have a kind of nice, fat body but tiny lil' legs, so they don't really go anywhere.

No-Neck Blues Band, Qvaris :: Lhasa Apso

Mystical, long haired, seemingly wise, vaguely disgusting.

M.I.A., Arular :: Pharoah Hound

This dog is great: sleek, beautiful, and somewhat exotic. Nobody owns them.

4 Comments:

Blogger Ian said...

I am a total sucker for posts like this. More!

11:29 PM  
Blogger Justin said...

Me, too.

And the "nobody owns them" comment for MIA = classic.

12:36 PM  
Blogger Adley said...

"They're just better than people. Because we've bred them that way."

Coming from a guy who thinks that computers are better than people too...

1:06 PM  
Blogger Adley said...

I've now read the whole thing, and still think that you should do a technology expo edition.

1:17 PM  

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